Thursday, 28 August 2014

Nice One Bruv

Growing up, i always figured if my brother made the papers it would be for doing something either illegal, like taking the paucity of pussy in his life into his own hands in an forceful manner, or monumentally lamebrained, like breaking my neck doing a shit impersonation of John Kreese the Cobra Kai Sensei from Karate Kid.

Well it turns out my brother finally made the papers, last week. Twice. For neither of the above reasons.

Turns out his first collection of poetry Wave Caps, is making serious waves. 

First he got interviewed by the East End Review, a center-page spread ting.

Then none other than Vice interviewed him check it!

Which is pretty incredible, and a fuck of a lot more than i've ever achieved in my lame inconsequential life.

Then again i distinctly remember when he got up on a chair to read four of his poems out at the launch of Wave Caps, looking around the room and to my horror seeing about a dozen pairs of girls' eyes trained hypnotically on him, heads cocked to one side, mesmerized, hanging off his every fucking word. It was puke-worthy.

And i realised that he was still addressing the paucity of pussy in his life, in a forceful manner. Just much more subtly and perhaps not illegally.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Papa Johns Bombs

He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.

Socrates 469-399BC Philosopher

Hold up 'Crates. So if you order a The Greek from Papa Johns, but specifically order it with extra pepperoni to spice shit up and really liberate the tang out of the feta, and the mongrels omit said-pepperoni in a fit of undiluted fuckery, you're supposed to philosophically accept this, on the understanding that if you're not happy with a The Greek without the extra pepperoni that you specifically ordered, you'd never be happy with a The Greek with extra pepperoni - the pizza of your specific choice - the pizza you would have received had they got the not overly-complicated order right in the first place.

They say the virtue of real wisdom is timeless, that it applies throughout the ages. I might write a book thinking up specific instances - only involving ordering take-away pizza - which astutely contradict all the most timeless wisdom ever laid down, the type we moronically accept and are so happy to nod our heads earnestly to when we see it written in some Keep Calm And Think Deep stocking filler whilst on the shitter in some pretentious polished concrete bathroom with frescoed wallpaper on the ceiling.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Dusty Foot Philosopher

They've never been on a plane, but they can tell you what's beyond the clouds.


Thursday, 14 August 2014

Hoof Ting

You can take the badman out of Gauchoville...

But not the opposite. Or whatever.

Tuesday, 15 April 2014


Some maverick shaved their cat to look like a lion.

Friday, 14 March 2014

Sorry Bill

My Calvin and Hobbes dissertation told through the medium of Calvin and Hobbes.